Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
