Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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