omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
