So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
