Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
