you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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