just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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