So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
