So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
