He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
