The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
