you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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