You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So much rum. So many feels.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
