so that wasnt chicken after all
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
