Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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