Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
