Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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