Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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