also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize