She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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