wrigley field is MILF paradise
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
