Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
