i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The beer is more important than you right now.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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