it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
