I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
