Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
