I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
