If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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