haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
