I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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