thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
