when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
