Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
