I just pynch a tree in the face
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you will always have a special place in my vag
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
