I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
