my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
