I am in a vortex of obligation.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
