I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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