Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
