Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
