we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
