I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
