): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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