Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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