so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
