I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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