i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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