It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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