My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
