Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize