I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
