A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
