The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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