she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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