I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
