Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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