You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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