I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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