...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
