Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
