Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
