It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
