i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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